The 1 Night That Makes Talking to Strangers in Bars 13 x Easier

Practice Conversation SkillsThrough talking to many shy and socially insecure people, there’s a cruel irony I’ve discovered.

Many crave the ability to talk to the “cool” people in places like bars, clubs or on the street. But unfortunately, talking to those people in those places feels impossible.

“Popular people” are generally more “picky” and dismissive in those types of “cold” social settings. And the fact rejection seems more likely to you makes these the hardest places to engage strangers if you aren’t already confident and skilled socially.

Well, if you’ve read any of my articles before, you know I advocate practicing your conversation skills repeatedly. This grows your skills AND confidence so you gradually expand your comfort zone.

But how can you practice in places like bars when it’s so hard to even start talking to people there?

Well, what if it could be easy, even for just one night out of the year? What if there was a way for even insecure people to easily start conversations in these intimidating yet alluring places?

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The Aristotle Guide to Make Friends and Influence People

make friendsAristotle was the man.

He figured out a lot about the human condition before modern psychology (or modern anything for that matter.) Some of his ideas still permeate our modern culture in areas like marketing and the science of persuasion.

In fact, I was watching a video the other day (included below) about his 3 means of persuasion. His argument was, to influence people efficiently, you must include all three of these elements.

What I realized is the three elements also apply to make friends. They serve as a handy guide to get past many sticking points in the friendship building process.
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Why Conversation is Still Hard Even Though You’ve Learned What to Do

Why Conversation is Still HardFor a long time, I had this problem…

I’d research what charming, well-liked people did to be so successful socially. But once I knew what to do, I’d often feel even more anxious and incompetent.

I’d go out to use what I’d learned but then chicken out and say nothing. Either that or I’d act so awkward, people just thought I was weird. In the end, I still didn’t accomplish what I wanted, which was to connect.

I began to wonder if something was just wrong with me. I mean, I knew what to do, but I couldn’t pull it off. It was like all the advice that worked for the successful people didn’t work for me.

Have you experienced something like this too?

What gives?

Well, here’s what I figured out about why this happens and how to get past it.
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Why Some People Are Hard to Talk to but Not Others (and What to Do About It)

people hard to talk toOne of the most confusing handicaps of my shyness and social anxiety was being able to talk easily with some people, but freezing up around others.

And usually, the people I fell silent around were the ones I MOST wanted to talk to.

I’d be fine with most family members, current friends or people who were less “popular,” well-liked or successful than me. I’d even do well sometimes on vacation with people I felt I’d never see again.

But when I met:

  • An attractive girl I wanted to like me
  • A popular social group I wanted to fit in with
  • A person I really wanted to be my friend
  • Or an authority figure I wanted respect from

I became anxious, awkward and silent.

Have you experienced that?

What the hell, right?

What’s going on here and how can you act as naturally with those “intimidating” people as you do around everyone else?
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The Difference Between Introversion and Shyness (Are You Getting This Wrong Too?)

 
shy girlWhen people throw out conversation advice, they often mix up the terms introversion and shyness.

The truth is, they are completely different concepts that cannot be used interchangeably. But I do feel they are related in several ways, which I’ll go over later.

If you aren’t happy with your social life and want to talk to more people with confidence, this is important information to know. It helped me realize the type of person I am and the type of socializing that works best for my personality. And that allowed me to feel less critical of myself and meet new people using my strengths instead of trying to be something I’m not.
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New Site Design and Future Plans

New-and-improvedThe new site design is done and I have to say, I’m very happy with it. All the same great information on understanding shyness and social awkwardness is still here, but I think in a much easier to digest format.

One of the issues I had with the previous design was clutter. It was just too noisy. Besides that, this design loads a little faster. The end result is I’m hoping it’s a more valuable resource for anyone who wants to start building their social skills and feeling more confident and outgoing.

So obviously I’m happy with the site, but please let me know what you think in the comments.

I will continue to tweak things and try to make available the most helpful information and resources to my readers from my own experience and that of experts in the field. Besides the new layout and design, here’s what you can look forward to in the future of CsC…
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How to be More Outgoing if You Don’t Like Socializing

dont like socializingSo you’ve decided you want to be more outgoing. But there’s a problem: You just don’t like socializing most of the time do you?

It’s such a hassle. You’d like to talk to new people but they’ll probably wonder what the hell you want or why you’re approaching them. They’ll likely just ignore you and you’ll feel embarrassed.

For you, going out isn’t worth it. Even if you go with friends, you mostly stand quiet off to the side. You see people you’d like to talk to, but never bring yourself to do it.

So what’s the point, right?

You’ve just decided you don’t like socializing all that much. So it’s OK that you’re not that good at it. Except you know, deep down, you really DO want to be able to talk to new people and even make new friends.

So what the heck do you do?
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How to Be Social at a Party (With People You Don’t Know)

how to be social at a partyYou walk in the front door of an acquaintance’s house party, and 15 people you’ve never met turn to see who you are.

Wow. What to say? What to do?

Hey, I’ve been there too and it’s not fun. I often felt uncomfortable at social gatherings and it held me back from developing a social circle.

I mean, I’d do fine with friends I was already comfortable around, but if I was at a party where I didn’t know people well or at all, I clammed up. I’d stick to my group of friends and that’s it.

Sometimes I’d do OK and talk to “strangers,” but for the most part it never lead to deeper or “normal” type of conversations.

And the worst part was when someone louder or more assertive would join the group. I’d suddenly feel invisible and not interesting enough. That made me sink even further into my shell.
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