Finally, the results are in…
At the end of 2011, I sent out a survey to my readers asking their major problems/questions on conversation skills and social success.
The answers you sent back were varied, but shared a few common themes.
Some of you have been asking the results of that survey, so I’m happy to oblige. Plus, it can be a relief to know you’re not alone; others have your exact same challenges socially.
Which of these do you share?
Before we get to the results, you might be wondering why the heck I’m just posting this when the survey was last year.
Well, one, it’s been a busy time of year with the holidays and all.
But two, I’m working on something new for you that’s been taking up lots of my time. In fact, the questions and insights from readers in the survey are what prompted me to start this new project.
But more about that at the end of the post…
Most Common Conversation & Social Success Problems
Not Knowing What to Say or Do After “Hi”
This one is pretty obvious and in my experience a big cause of the anxiety people feel when approaching someone new. And I understand. This kept me from talking to people when I wanted to on countless occasions. But, as with everything else on this list, know you’re not alone in feeling this.
Feeling Awkward Once in a Conversation
Many of you said once you get into a conversation, that’s where the trouble begins. Either you don’t know how to keep the conversation going or the other person gets bored. Maybe you’re like I used to be and you end the conversation before it has a chance to “get weird.” Whatever the case, sometimes talking with certain people unsettles you and it’s difficult for the conversation to flow smoothly.
How Can I Be Charismatic?
This was one of the popular questions I got. Many of you want to have more fun and be seen as fun. And why shouldn’t you? Personally, I believe you should live life to the fullest. And if you’re not able to have fun with people on a daily basis, you’re missing out on life right? Plus, if you’re a fun and lighthearted person, others will want to be around you more.
How Can I Be More Interesting?
This was the biggest question I got. I have to say, not what I expected. But I suppose it makes sense. This was one of my big desires too, and as I remember the thinking went like this: If you’re interesting, others will be intrigued by you and respect you. In the end, they’ll like you and accept you.
Well, that’s true to a certain extent. But, without analyzing it too much here, I think it’s perfectly fine to want to be interesting and to want to be liked. After all, Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs lists acceptance as one of the more basic human needs.
Two Overall Themes
There were also two widespread ideas I sensed through most of your responses.
- You want to raise your level of self-esteem
- You want to be socially successful AS YOURSELF
The first tells me you want to feel good about you. Because how can others respect you if you don’t truly respect yourself.
The second confirms what I’ve thought all along: most advice on improving social skills encourages you to be something you’re not. I’ve learned the hard way, that’s not the way to go.
So How Can You Solve These Issues?
Well, in all honesty, that’s a bigger topic than I can cover in this one post. But in general, it takes doing what I’ve written about before in this blog.
For one, you need to start the process of loving yourself. When you feel comfortable in your own skin, talking becomes easy because your confidence is rock solid. You don’t care so much what others think about you; you love you and that’s what matters.
You also need to learn some basics of good conversation skills. Things like how to be more spontaneous in conversations, have good body language and more. That will at least give you a starting point.
Finally, you need to get out there and practice. So many people think you shouldn’t have to work at being better socially. They think it should just be natural.
Social skills are acquired just like any other skill in life. If you need to, start by practicing in low pressure situations like with family or friends, then move on to strangers.
How to Get Your Social Awkwardness Handled Once and For All?
As I mentioned above, I’ve been working on something new for you based on these common problems and questions. It’s the re-release of my popular Social Success Video Series.
It’ll help to move you past some of your sticking points and get you on the fast track to comfortable conversations. Best of all, it’s free!
Thing is, it’s not quite done yet.
But it almost is. The first video in the series will release on Feb. 19th, 2012.
UPDATE: Video Series is now available to watch
You can watch the videos by entering your name and e-mail in the form below. I’ll send you an e-mail with a direct link to the “Video 1 – What You Might Be Doing Wrong: 6 Common Barriers to Social Success”
By the way, which of the above problems/questions can you most identify with? Or have you experienced a different social issue? Share in the comments below.