Lies And Latest Research
Still with me? Good. Let's dig in...
As I've said, I found mountains of advice on improving socially.
I began studying confident social naturals who could walk up to anyone and quickly make friends.
I also dove into REAL research on self-doubt. Including new breakthrough discoveries in neuroscience.
...and after trying it all, I realized some suggestions were flat out LIES.
Read the bits of advice below...
- You just need to be yourself
- You have to just be confident OR just get out there
- Start using this ONE tactic and overnight everyone will love you.
- Learn these "93 social tricks" or "101 conversation starters" to impress people
- Memorize scripts of exactly what to say and do
If you've ever searched online for what to talk about or how to be charming, I'm sure you've run across one or more suggestions like this.
The thing is, this type of advice will literally force you to feel more nervous and unsure of what to say.
(Read that last sentence again.)
Before I continue, let me just say this...
I really tried all of that advice. Thinking it "made sense." I mean, if I don't know what to say, let me memorize what to say. Right?
Well... no.
Usually following that advice made me MORE awkward than before. Some suggestions were so far outside my comfort zone, I couldn't even use them.
In the end, I still got those withering looks of "what do YOU want?"
The REAL Problem With Most Advice On Charm
What I discovered (the hard way) is techniques and advice like those above might help a little.
Sometimes.
But they're not enough.
Because they're too simplistic. They lack any step by step structure.
And most importantly, they don't address the hidden psychological glitch causing your self-doubt to flare up with certain "high-value" people.
(Which I'll explain in a sec...)
But I didn't want to believe all this at first.
I mean, how can the advice that MOST people give on becoming confident not work?
Well, it gets worse...
Because the really evil part is most gurus tell us this advice is good for us... just to make a buck.
Clever marketers know the frustration and anger all this insecurity causes daily. So they take advantage of our desire for an instant, magic-pill solution...
OR they never truly experienced inconsistent confidence themselves. So they don't understand the self-doubt paralyzing us.
My mind was blown when I figured all this out.
Everything I was trying to become confident and outgoing was actually making me more awkward, insecure and quiet.
How sad is that?
Yet what shocked me most was finding out about the hidden psychological glitch.
Why it cripples people like you and me so much. Yet not others.
How it can "lock-in" awkwardness around certain people, no matter what we do to improve.
Understand this, and you'll have the key to removing your self-doubt for good.