How to Use “Emotional Hot Buttons” to Be Interesting And Bond

emotional hot buttonsDo you sometimes struggle to have meaningful conversations?

Like, you get stuck in chit chat mode and just talk those trivial topics to death.

To the point where things start to feel stale…and maybe you’re looking for an exit.

(And you worry they are too.)

Don’t you wish you could make the vibe more exciting? More interesting? So maybe things could move to a deeper level with this person?

Well, a great way amp up interactions and bond with someone new is to introduce emotion into the conversation.

And a slick way to do that is noticing and commenting on “emotional hot buttons.” But you have to be observant to make use of them.

So in today’s article, I’ll give you an example of this technique in action.

Then I’ll explain how you can use it.

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How To Talk So People Listen To You

How to make people listen to you
Do you often feel ignored when you say something?

Maybe you speak up in a group but no one pays attention. Then someone interrupts over you and instantly has the spotlight.

Or it seems everyone is always speaking over each other; their ideas get noticed but when you try…nothing.

Plenty of my readers have mentioned this problem. And in the TED talk titled “How to Speak So People Want to Listen,” Julian Treasure gives great tips to stop being ignored. Julian is an expert on sound and speech so he’s someone to listen to in this area.

I’ve included the talk below and summarized his main points. But I’ve also included insights of my own on ways to be heard and respected in more casual settings.

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7 Warning Signs That You’re A Boring Conversationalist

BoringHow can you tell if you’re boring someone to tears in a conversation?

  • Maybe you notice them looking everywhere but at you
  • Maybe their tone of voice screams “I’d rather be anywhere else right now”
  • Maybe they fall asleep on the front of a ship while you’re discussing the cosmos


Just me?


But are you really boring people in your conversations or just imagining it? How can you tell? And how can you be more engaging and interesting instead?

Here are 7 unexpected boredom-inducing warning signs to look out for in YOUR conversations. If you’re doing one or more of these, it’s very likely people are leaving chats with you wishing they could have those minutes of their life back.

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The 1 Night That Makes Talking to Strangers in Bars 13 x Easier

Practice Conversation SkillsThrough talking to many shy and socially insecure people, there’s a cruel irony I’ve discovered.

Many crave the ability to talk to the “cool” people in places like bars, clubs or on the street. But unfortunately, talking to those people in those places feels impossible.

“Popular people” are generally more “picky” and dismissive in those types of “cold” social settings. And the fact rejection seems more likely to you makes these the hardest places to engage strangers if you aren’t already confident and skilled socially.

Well, if you’ve read any of my articles before, you know I advocate practicing your conversation skills repeatedly. This grows your skills AND confidence so you gradually expand your comfort zone.

But how can you practice in places like bars when it’s so hard to even start talking to people there?

Well, what if it could be easy, even for just one night out of the year? What if there was a way for even insecure people to easily start conversations in these intimidating yet alluring places?

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Why Conversation is Still Hard Even Though You’ve Learned What to Do

Why Conversation is Still HardFor a long time, I had this problem…

I’d research what charming, well-liked people did to be so successful socially. But once I knew what to do, I’d often feel even more anxious and incompetent.

I’d go out to use what I’d learned but then chicken out and say nothing. Either that or I’d act so awkward, people just thought I was weird. In the end, I still didn’t accomplish what I wanted, which was to connect.

I began to wonder if something was just wrong with me. I mean, I knew what to do, but I couldn’t pull it off. It was like all the advice that worked for the successful people didn’t work for me.

Have you experienced something like this too?

What gives?

Well, here’s what I figured out about why this happens and how to get past it.
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How to Be Friendly: 5 Tips to Be More Likeable

how-to-be-friendlyDoes it take longer for you to make friends?

Too long sometimes?

Like maybe in the past, when you’ve switched jobs or transferred colleges or cities, people just didn’t seem to engage you or try to make friends.

And even with the few who did engage you first, things didn’t take off. You just got the feeling everyone wished you’d lighten up.

You know in a couple months you’ll probably sway some people who enjoy talking with you, but you’d rather it not take so long.

It’s all got you worried you’re just not giving off that friendly vibe.
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How to Stop Over-Thinking When You Want to Talk to Someone (Reader Question)

Stop Over-thinkingSometimes, don’t you wish you could just get your brain to SHUT UP?

Maybe you see a cute guy or girl you want to talk to or your boss looks free to chat  at the company picnic. So what do you do?

Your head starts spinning up scenarios right?

You think of what you should say first and the way you’ll say it. Then…wait… Maybe you should say it another way that might work better. Yeah, and then if they reply in a certain way, you’ll come back with…

…oh drat. Someone else is talking to them now.

Aaargh! How do you stop the madness? How do you stop over thinking so you stop missing out on your life?

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5 Action Steps When You Don’t Know What to Say

dont know what to sayWe’ve all been there.

We all hate it.

We all know the feeling.

When you don’t know what to say, or you’re about to run out of stuff to say, you can feel it, right?

Maybe you’re talking with someone you’ve already met once or twice when you run out of the obvious “getting to know you” type chat.

Or you had something in mind to say next but suddenly, poof! You forget what it was, the other person stops talking and the awkward silence starts to build.

When stuff like that happens to me, I begin to feel a little sick to my stomach.

I have a tiny freak out thinking, “No, not again! I don’t want ANOTHER person to think I’m quiet and boring!”

We all want a way out of that humiliating silence.

So here’s a 5-step process to help you come up with the words you need when you don’t know what to say.

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