What’s the Magic Elixir of Great Conversations?

Wouldn’t you like a magic potion that would allow you to have relaxed, comfortable conversations anytime?

Well, there is a magic, of sorts, that’s the single most important factor in your conversational ability. In this post, I’ll share what it is.

I recently re-watched all the Harry Potter films to get ready for the final movie that’s coming soon. So if you’re wondering what’s up with all the magic potion talk, that’s why.

But it got me thinking, what’s the magic potion of conversation?

You learned a new spell: Elixir of Self-Confidence

You’ve probably wondered before, “how to improve conversation skills?”

And if there were any magic that could help your conversations, it would have to be self-confidence. Having a high sense of self-worth drastically changes your interactions with others.

When you have self-confidence, you seldom feel at a loss for words. Other people are naturally drawn to you and talking becomes easy.

If you’ve ever been “in the zone” in conversation, you’ll know what I’m talking about here. For example, before I got to a place in my life of more consistent self-confidence, I’d experience brief moments of “convo mojo.” For whatever reason, in those moments I was feeling particularly good about myself and talking became easy. I could pull topics out of thin air and they were well received.

Unfortunately, those moments would never last. But by consistently working to improve self confidence, this “magic” conversation ability can be a normal thing for you.

Why self-confidence helps so much in conversation

  • You get your sense of worth from yourself. Since you already have a high sense of worth, you don’t need acceptance from others to feel good. This removes the sense of neediness that can turn others off.
  • You don’t care what others think. Because you feel self-assured, you’re more likely to just talk about whatever without analyzing every word. You don’t worry if something will come across the right way; you just say it. If it’s well received, great. If not, you don’t care so much. What this means is you’re talking MORE and that leads to more conversations.
  • You share more about yourself. Self-disclosure is an important part of conversation and making new friends. When you feel good about your life and who you are, you’re more likely to tell others about you. This builds trust and rapport.
  • You have the guts to approach people. Obvious, but when you go up and talk to more people, you’ll end up starting conversations more. A higher self-esteem reduces your fear of rejection and lets you engage people in a natural way.

Take Action

So how do you get more self-confidence? Well, unfortunately you can’t drink a magic potion and get self-worth overnight. Building your self-esteem takes time. So here are just a few suggestions to start you on the path to better confidence.

  • Choose how you want your life to be and make it so. Pursue your interests, work on achieving your goals and do what makes you happy. When you’re proud of your life, confidence follows.
  • Face your fears head on. I once heard you build courage by facing your fears over and over. Once you begin to build courage, you get confidence as a by-product. I know from experience that when you face your fears (like talking to strangers) you usually see the fear itself is worse than the reality. This realization helps you move forward.
  • Switch negative talk with positive talk. Many times we’re telling ourselves stuff like “I’ll never get better at this” or, “I can’t do this” without even realizing. Become aware of your negative self-talk and stop it. Then replace it with phrases like “I will do what it takes to succeed” and “How can I do this?”

What do you think?

What are some other ways to build your self-confidence? Comment below.

(Magic Potion photo by Sam Catch, from Flickr via Creative Commons License.)

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